Mother's Day 2007
TERRY CHAN-A-SHING
The Webster dictionary defines the word mother as “a female parent”. Is that all we are? Motherhood is a ministry. It is neither a job nor just a responsibility. It takes work, patience and selflessness. It is a sacrifice, but a sacrifice with a reward at every step of the way.
My name is Terry, I was born in Trinidad , and I’m the last of 5 children. I think I’m a little unique because my father was 81 years old when I was born. I remember my mother telling me that their first child was called Joy because she was the joy of their lives, and that the brother before me (7 years my senior) was called Don because they both thought they were done with kids. To date she has not explained what the name Terry (with a Y) meant to them. When my father died at age 92, it was my mother who held the family together, just as so many mothers do today. She is now 100 years old and has been living with me for the past 32 years. She still cooks, plays the piano, feeds her bird, and makes it her business not to be left out of anything. At her request we celebrated her 100 th birthday on a Carnival cruise. Her latest request is to have a 36 inch high definition plasma TV in her room. Her tenacity and her vibrant personality have made me the woman I am today. She is the love of my life and even at this age, I am still learning from her example. To all you mothers, this just shows that your work as a mother is never done.
When Herbert and I got married we never discussed having children. We decided to use the Catholic method of contraception - the Billings method. Well either our interpretation of the Billings method was incorrect or God intended to give me a jumpstart into motherhood because, being married only 3 months, and as far as I was concerned, still on honeymoon, I was now pregnant with my first child. Needless to say, I was unprepared. When our son Kevin was born and they laid him in my arms I immediately felt overwhelmed with love. At that time, I never thought that I would experience that depth of emotion again. Little did I know that 6 months later I would be pregnant again with my daughter, Tessa. God again, and not Billings was in control. So, I had two babies and was left with no script as to how to be a good mother. I was scared and felt inadequate to take on the task of motherhood.
Motherhood is a bitter sweet experience. I don’t have to tell you the pain and joy of childbirth, the frustration and pure pleasure while they are growing up and the disappointment and admiration when they become adults. Your heart soars with them when they are happy and succeed, but you also feel their pain when they are at their lowest point.
As the kids grew up, I realized that they were teaching me just as much as I was teaching them. They taught me self-control, patience, tolerance and unconditional love. I realize now that motherhood is a unique journey and I have many vivid memories from this journey…
I remember so many days when I had to rearrange my schedule to attend many swim-meets, piano recitals, ballet, karate etc etc. I sometimes felt like an unpaid employee, a chauffeur, not a mother. I recall my panic when called to the principal’s office to discuss Tessa’s fighting in school, and Kevin’s music teacher asking me to consider removing him from the class. I remember attending a swim-meet where I still cheered for my son as he did the breast stroke, while all the other swimmers were doing the back stroke. I remember going on waterslides and roller coasters, even though I was so scared I could not look down, but that fear paled in comparison to the terror I felt when Tessa unexpectedly ran out into the street at Disney World and barely missed getting hit by a car. Then there were the glorious summer vacations at the beach, the many awards and prizes at school, the pride I felt in seeing them grow up, achieve and mature before my eyes. There were also the humorous moments, like the time Tessa announced at 5 years old that she wanted to be The Pope. She could not figure out why we could not stop laughing. At night, I would look upon their angelic faces while they slept and wonder how they became so animated and strong willed when awake.
They are now all grown up – Kevin is 31 and lives in Chicago , and Tessa is 30 and married, and lives here in Gainesville . My only hope is that they can experience the joys of having children as much as I enjoyed and am still enjoying the journey with them.
This Mother’s Day, let us celebrate not only the women who have happy families. Let us also acknowledge those who are hurt by their mothers. Let us remember the mothers who have lost their children. Let us not forget the women who long to be mothers, but aren't. Let us follow the example of the women in the Bible, Sarah, Rachel, Hannah, and especially Mary.
In closing, when Isaiah the prophet, searched for an example of God’s constant love for His people, the best example he could find was a mother’s love of a new baby. So today, let us open ourselves to receive the love of God who ultimately mothers us all.